Noe News is Good News

Life with 3 kids

The past few days the blog has been filled with all things Lyla. I had to catch up on all the things to document about her. But in all reality, the focus does seem to be on Lyla these days especially here at home. Even though she is a really good baby, she still demands a lot of time and attention. I've kind of felt a little guilt because I almost feel a little disconnected from Landen and Joselyn and it breaks my heart. I want to give them more attention but it seems when I go to play with them one on one Lyla starts crying again. And then there is the constant getting mad at them for getting into this and that...  I'm so afraid they are going to start feeling some resentment. Maybe they already do! Not to mention they seem so much bigger now and grown up and less like my babies. My biggest wish really is for them to just be happy. All the time. (don't they know this is very possible if they just wouldn't do things that gets mommy upset?) I try to involve them as much as possible in the care of the baby. They both LOVE to play with her and help with diaper changes. 







But when it comes time for me to feed the baby or try to get her to sleep, they usually go into michief mode. Some things they do make me REALLY mad, and other things just make me mad and laugh a little. They love to tear down all the things I just spent a lot of time cleaning. Their clothes get pulled from drawers and hangers and end up on the floor and their toys get dumped from baskets onto the floor. Beds get unmade. I've given up on arranging clothes by color and I'm heavily considering the advice of a friend to just put their clothes in baskets and not worry about folding or putting them away. That would take a lot for me- I love putting their clothes away neatly. But I'm really learning that with 3 kids you really do just have to let some things go. So beds stay unmade and toys stay on the floor. Lots of toilet paper ends up in the toilet. Hand towels get soaked in water. Floors become sticky and full of crumbs.

I've also had to learn to listen for silence. Silence is never a good thing in the Noe household. It means somebody (or somebodies) are up to no good. With mommy so concentrated on taking care of the baby, I guess Landen and Joselyn think they can do whatever they want! Get into whatever they want!  They have just now learned the art of pulling the ktichen chairs up to the counters and getting into food. I was hoping that would never happen! Usually it's fruit or bread so that's ok- but they usually do leave a mess. Sometimes it's cereal and it gets spilled all over the floor. 

We have to be careful about locking our bedroom door too, because they will find all sorts of things to get into. One day Joselyn found some glitter nail polish and decided it would be a good idea to use it on Landen as eye shadow and makeup. 



I know it wasn't that much and it actually came off pretty easily. (poison control center says cooking oil is best option to get it off- can't hurt the skin or eyes like nail polish remover could- just in case this happens to someone else in the future!) I did get really upset- but then I just had to take a picture and laugh about it.

Another day, more silence. This time things could have been bad. The moment we heard the silence, Adam ran upstairs and found Joselyn's room locked. Then Joselyn started screaming there was blood, and Adam's panicked voice called for me. My heart about stopped. She let us into her room and we found Joselyn and Landen with Adam's razors. They had tried to shave their chins. Landen also tried to shave his armpit and Joselyn ended up with a cut on her finger. Thankfully the chins and armpit were mostly just razor burn and Joselyn's little cut on her finger was the worst of it and was fixed with a little band-aid. But we can't help thinking about how bad things could have gone with that. 

So, we are more careful. We can live with messes, but we couldn't forgive ourselves if our children got hurt.  It really is about adjusting. We've all had to get used to a different rhythm. Or, at least we are trying to get used to one. I know as Lyla gets older things will get a little easier. She won't be as demanding of my time and she will be more reactive to Joselyn and Landen wanting to play with her. 

Although I feel a little disconnected from Joselyn and Landen, my admiration for them has increased so much. Here they are just little human beings and they really have adjusted so well to less attention. And they LOVE thier little sister! They are just so sweet to her. And it's obvious Lyla returns the love. I just hope they still know how much I DO love them. And appreciate them. I try to tell them and sneak in some cuddle time with them as much as possible, but I can't help but worry. 

I attempt to use all my fun pinterest ideas to keep them occupied and out of trouble. The spider web was a hit!!



The chalk circles were also a hit! The point of this was to cross from one side to the other only stepping in one color of a circle. They loved it. Then we came up with our own game of just calling out random colors and they had to  find a circle in the color and jump into it.



The other day I took them on a walk and ended up with all 3 kids crying and screaming. That was fun! And then sometimes the kids surprise me. They come up with fun things to do on their own that are SAFE and keep them happy! LIke a little breakfast picnic.



Or dessing up like mice...



And sometimes I only find evidence of fun times had together...



So my conclusion?? Three kids is harder then 2 at least for now... but I think we are all learning good things from this. We are all becoming better. And eventually, we WILL feel complete again. Or maybe more complete. Or maybe we really are more complete already and just haven't noticed yet. Yeah, that's probably it. 
 

Being 3... and 30.

Terrible twos. I've lived through that once and came out just fine...it wasn't all that bad, actually. it's the 3 year old stage I wasn't ready for. I've heard it called ther TERRIFYING THREE'S, and that's kind of an understatement in my case. Some days are truly awful and I end up in my bed crying... sad because I let my impatience get the best of me. Others I am tough and patient and feel good at the end of the day. But this week I almost want to give up. I just want to vent right now really, because honestly and truly NOTHING has worked. And even if it would have had a chance to work, those things would have taken way too much patience that I was already lacking on this week to begin with. I hate to blame anything on my sweet little Joselyn... I know she really is still ONLY 3. She's not a grown-up. No, I'm the grown-up. And I should be a good example. Maybe I'm going through the terrifying thirties right now?? I keep on telling myself this will all be over soon enough. Before I know it she'll grow out of this "pee in her pants just to spite mommy" stage and screaming and throwing tantrums over the smallest things ALL DAY LONG. Resisting naps that she needs and refusing to cooperate with just about anything. It's not going to be something that I'm going to miss. I definitely won't miss those things. But you've got to admit, there is a certain charm that also comes with being a three year old. And I WILL miss those moments. What I don't want is for my 3 year old to remember me being mean and impatient... and I hope that she will remember the good times we've had over the times I've had to discipline in her ways that break my heart... like putting up two gates so she can't escape her room. And she cries... but I know I shouldn't give in. It's hard... and I'm starting to think that 3 year olds and 30 year olds really clash. The thing is, this WILL be over soon and it can't last forever... right? Give me some reassurance here somebody!!

I love the rain and a few other things...

Like most of you here in central Kentucky, I woke up to loud thunder and pouring rain this morning. It was around 7am that I really "woke up" and realized that the kids were still asleep. They usually wake up around 6:30am. I laid in bed just listening to the storm outside enjoying the peacefulness of actually just laying in my own bed and snuggling under my covers... and I didn't get out of bed until 8:30am! I must say that it was such a nice way to start my day. I'm in a much better mood if I can just start my day at my own pace. 

I got a lot done- cleaned a lot, got some much needed unpacking done (though I still have a LOOONG way to go) and most exciting- planted some flowers in the front of our house! (pictures coming later)

A few pictures from our life these past few weeks from my iphone...

 

From top left: 1. Landen hiding under his blanket 2. Joselyn posing with her star sunglasses 3. Gatti Town 4. Jos and Melanie cuddling 5. Our gallery wall- pictures still needing to be replaced 6. Joselyn greeting daddy (she is actually singing "I'm so glad when daddy comes home") 7.Joselyn holding some mannequins hands (on her own accord- hilarious by the way) 8. Jos and Landen playing in their "boats" 9. Jos playing with a puppy 10.Jos playing dress up 11.Jos, Melanie and Landen cuddling on the couch 12. dressed in all pink 13. Jos and Landen getting into the fridge 14. Joselyn holding some mannequins hands again 15. Autumn with zhu zhu pets 16. Jos looking in her purse 17. Adam as a teenager (so cool) 18. Rainbow last night from our front porch

Life is so good lately. I'm enjoying every minute with my kids although I sometimes struggle with patience. I'm just having a hard time understanding why they can't get along sometimes... Most of the time they play GREAT together, but I just don't get where kids learn to be mean to each other. But most of the time Joselyn and Landen are so sweet to each other. And honestly, neither one likes to be without the other and they say it. If Joselyn wakes up before Landen (which she often does) she asks for him over and over again, or sometimes tries to tell me he's awake when he's really not. Having two children this close together definitely has it's challenges here and there, but I love how they are best friends now. Love it SOOO much!

 

Landen is saying some awful cute things lately... he definitely doesn't talk as much as Joselyn did at this age, but he can definitely communicate. Today he was trying to tell me he wanted to brush his teeth. He first pointed to his teeth and said "teet" and I admired them and thought he was telling me his teeth hurt. Then he pulled me up and took me to his bathroom and I thought well maybe he said "drink" but then it hit me he wanted to brush his teeth! And sure enough, that was it. He was very satisfied that he got his point across.

He calls his paci "bobby" for some reason and his blankie "ki ki" so we've kind of nick-named them that too. I think it's adorable. I love this little dude.

 

Landen is very much a momma's boy. He LOVE LOVE LOVES to cuddle- which I love and he lets me pinch his very pinch-able cheeks and pulls his shirt up in the back and lets me "tickle" it. I just had to write down those few things because I remember- they grow quickly and change so fast. I'm so lucky to be Landen and Joselyn's mommy and to have such a great caring and sweet husband. I'm just blessed- what can I say? And I am feeling grateful today.

Happy Mother's Day to my mom

Between Parent and Child

"Love is vital in parenting, but love is not enough. Parents need knowledge. You would never trust yourself to a surgeon who simply loved their job, but lacked the knowledge required in surgery. Parenting is at least as difficult as surgery."
-Dr. Haim G. Ginott

It's very rare that a book comes into my life that changes my life this much. Over the past few weeks and months that I have struggled with my children for various reasons, I often turned to my mother- who I remember was very good with us as young children. She tells us how we got along really well and for the most part were very well behaved. She always mentioned a book called "Between Parent and Child".

Well, for my birthday this year (more on this later) my mom bought me this book.

I received it on Saturday and have been reading it as much as possible since. I'm about 1/4 of the way through the book, and it's already changed our family life. I say "family" because every principle covered in this book that I've read so far can be applied to any other relationship.

This book essentially teaches parents how to:
(from the back of the book)

1. Discipline without threats, bribes, sarcasm and punishment
2. Criticize without demeaning, praise without judging, and express anger without hurting
3. Acknowledge rather than argue with children's feelings, perceptions and opinions
4. Respond so that children will learn to trust and develop self confidence

The reading is really easy and full of examples so it was very easy to implement what I learned right away.

Some examples from my own life on how this has helped:

When Joselyn would throw fits I would almost force her to get over her bad mood and say something like "Stop screaming Joselyn. Be a happy girl". In doing this, I wasn't allowing her to express her real emotions. If I continued to do this, she may grow up feeling like she can't tell me how she really feels about things and that she has to put on a happy mask to cover all her anger and other emotions. This book taught me that it's OK to have emotions and express them. In fact, most of the time children don't even really want you to fix their problems. They just want their feelings to be understood. So now, if Joselyn is throwing a fit I say something like "You are angry. I know such and such made you mad" That's it. You would be amazed how just acknowledging her feelings will help her turn into a happy person!

Tonight as we were giving Joselyn a bath, she was splashing everywhere. She doesn't usually do this- she was trying to provoke Adam and me, and Adam was getting angry. He told her many times to "Stop!" and she continued to do it. As many of you know, those kind of demands don't usually work. Well, the book recommended just expressing how you are feeling. So I said to Joselyn "You're getting me wet and that is making me angry!" My voice was firm and my face probably showed her that I wasn't happy. She immediately stopped and said "I'm sorry mommy." No more splashes. MIRACLE.

The book also teaches you to never label a child- bad OR good. Never say anything about their character as a person, but talk about the specific situation. For example, instead of saying something like "Joselyn, you are such a good girl" you would praise her for something SPECIFIC and say how it made you feel. "Joselyn, when you help mommy clean up it makes me so happy." This has also made a big difference in her attitude. When I request things, I no longer say "Joselyn, pick up the toys." I say "It would make me so happy if you could help pick up!" It's amazing the difference it makes.

The thing is, those are only just a few of the many instances that principles from this book have turned a bad situation into a better one.

What I really love about this book so far is that it creates a really healthy relationship between the parent and child- one where there is trust and respect. And I've always felt that was important. I never wanted to be dictative and make my child feel like her feelings and opinions weren't an important part of the family. I can't wait to finish the book! When I do, I will probably write another post on it, but I just had to share my excitement for this book because it has changed my life THAT MUCH. In 4 days. Oh and it's helped my relationship with Adam too- it also works on adults ;)

Website: http://www.betweenparentandchild.com/

Motherhood

"Motherhood is the greatest potential influence either for good or ill in human life. The mother's image is the first that stamps itself on the unwritten page of the young child's mind. It is her caress that first awakens a sense of security; her kiss, the first realization of affection; her sympathy and tenderness, the first assurance that there is love in the world."

-David O. McKay